Identity Trajectory

I have discovered that I overwhelmingly get my sense of identity from the roles in my life. I am a mom, I am an employee, I am a creator of hand made items, I am a baker, I am a reader....so on, you get the idea-

It never once occurred to me when I became a mom that my boys would ever grow up. Indeed, I think if I had ever really thought about this, I would never have given my dented heart so freely to the all-encompassing role of being a mom.

I have loved so many things about being a mom - baseball games, rough and tumble play, elementary school parties and field trips, having a safe place to pour out all of my heart's affections.

Suddenly, I find I am confronted by the fact that these boys of mine are nearly men. I realized this a few years ago when the three of us sold our first home, a small starter home and looked for a larger home to live it. We looked and looked, and slowly it began to sink in to my head that we would only live together as parent and children for a short while longer. Therefore our new space would have to meet the needs of three, but be do-able for one later on. Ouch -

I also saw that realization as a potential gift. I could either be sad, perhaps even guilt them into staying as long as possible with me to keep me company; or I could give them the gift of freedom - guilt free. I could choose to spend this precious time enjoying them more at the same time that I could begin to carve out more of a personal life for myself.

Just what would that even look like I wondered? I often find that when I am ready to grasp something new - then new opportunities come my way. Last year a precious friend paid my way for me to join her at a speakers and writers conference. For the first time ever, I contemplated if speaking and writing could be a part of my future, if this could become a new identity I could try on. I have also been reawakened this year to a love of dancing that has brought new vitality and joy to my life.

As my primary role of parent travels all too rapidly toward the trajectory intersection of empty-nester and the rest of my life - I want to spend each day taking small steps towards meeting that intersection with purpose, with joy, with passion and with excitement - not arriving by surprise, empty handed, empty hearted.